It is getting late, and perhaps I am a little too sober for this exchange and not tired enough. I am listening to modest mouse’s “dashboard.” At the same time I am messing around with the new version of vista, or operation longhorn, or whatever the new Microsoft OS is… (I am at Chris’s house on his computer) I don’t like it, it looks smooth, but yet is so different, it is like the changing the rules on fucking. I like computers and I like fucking, but I can’t find anything on this idiot box, and cant remember the last time I humped a knee cap, fucking is still fucking computers are all new. but here I am and all I want to do is listen to some music… I know where there is music out there. maybe I have to log on as Chris? I try pumpkin first, then Braden, then Elliott, finally wrldmrine…. Nothing, I am a failure like most things in life. I am forced to sign in as a guest.
A guest here in the house, on this computer, in their guest bedroom, a guest in all the houses I have lived in the last year or so. What is happening to me? I am now on the third cycle of “dashboard” I can’t figure out how to tap into my I-tunes and get my songs. All those songs I paid for, they should be mine god damn it… do you remember back when they were all free, and played everywhere? Now musicmatch doesn’t play on I-tunes, yahoo doesn’t play on windows media player, or maybe they do, that is my point, my point is I don’t know any more, I don’t know to navigate these unsteady waters. I was left behind. I was drowned before the ship ever sunk.
I could always look at porn. I think. No, I forgot how to cover my tracks, I mean, I could look it up on Google, but I forgot how to cover those tracks… everything seems to be happening yesterday, and all the stuff happening right now is tomorrow, and I can’t think of anything to do right now, but to find some outlets, this. This white page I am writing upon is so different than all the others. I must say this word 2007 is a lot different than anything else I have ever seen. It isn’t auto correcting for me. I am fucked. All the tabs, the buttons, everything in different places, it is like I woke up and began imagining my own funeral.
I want to say this, while just taking a piss in Chris’s bathroom it is great to see that he made it, the wallpaper looks nice. So this is what is it like, to be fast and strong?