Back in Juarez, dipping down into Mexico out of luck. Getting so drunk in the bars that my arm would just fall off there like a hostage and give up… and eventually I could look around the room and see things for what they were. I would start to stare hard and long at fellows until I could see their veins and their veins became light. The best of fellows, well their veins were light and the worst of fellows were dim and shady. Nothing was what it was, just light and night. And I would move like a moth to the light and carry on so, just listening, looking, smelling and take it in and the dim would come out of nowhere stabbing about jagged tooth and angled. It really would disturb me…
I thought I could die here in Juarez, just start bleeding out my nose, shitting my pants… melting into the ground that needed water, needed me. And I could be reborn. Like I been born once and didn’t see this all and I needed to be born again and really take it in, with all that I learned and all.
I always thought that when kids see me, they see a Christmas tree. Nothing but light.
My gums were bleeding awful bad which made me think about fruit and to maybe stop chewing, made me think about the old books I read about the old sailors and scurvy. But nothing mattered down in Juarez, you could lose an arm down and Juarez and still win a fight, you could lose a fight down in Juarez and still win your light. It was all about getting dark, before seeing the light I guess. But I left before I seen them both.
|