it could have been worse than you would ever know


Natalia was ready, she had her knife and she had the pliers, she had on her little rubber boots. So we fished cool and calculated. Their fins like great whites, the rivers like blood flow. God the sun was out; it was upon our shoulders and our faces making me pink. But you donít catch a fish unless your hook is in the water. I casted large and big like a gill net over a harvest tug of war.
Natalia calls me Jamie, like my mom and my dad and my sisters. She calls me Jamie like she is close and Jesus Christ I have seen it all but I have never seen this.
The lure, the pole, the rod, it all flyís through the air, across the fish across the life, and I think, fuck and I wasted my time, I have seen so much darkness, I have seen the lightÖ I just want you to know, I just want you to know tonight, that I am ok. And if you saw me now, granted my face is a little fatter, but if you saw me now, you would think beautiful, I wish you could see this beautiful and know just how beautiful I am.
How I have become. Itís good.