Dream Catchers


1. I got all these pictures I take. There is one where she is sliding down a blizzard and there is one where she is catching rain in her mouth.
2. It seems I was always becoming obsessed with things and once I found those things all the others made sense but more in the way of things trying to become their own butterfly. Trying to be what I thought to be the best. I liked it because it was mine and the whole world would turn upside down trying to be.
3. Most of my history I walk away from. And at night, the hardest parts of it come back. Nothing of my history is hard really when you think about it… I just don’t like it because it isn’t my idea of fun, there is nothing to obsess about, just arms and legs of potential.
4. Sometimes I imagine just violently puking. About three times a day like a sprinkler system, a relief value. I just sit there and out it all comes, hard and with much force upon all the walls, a pressure painter, a car washer. And in the end I am new and reborn; you got to know how good that feels, like taking a big shit or to start at the beginning.
5. I believe, thinking back musically, that The Pixies mastered the process of screaming out loud and then speaking softly…
6. Some of my obsessions? Hmmm, let me think, the first hardcore one I had was for Powell Peralta skateboard magazine advertisements. I just saw them as the best, every other advertisement in Thrasher and Transworld had a picture of some Hawaiian sky rocketing into the air with sun glasses, but “their” adverts had pictures of toilet bowls and broken TV sets, and I just had to own them. I began collecting them, ripping them out of magazines and glue sticking them onto my walls until I was surrounding by the way I viewed things.
7. Yeah I kept them for a bit, I moved about 4 times and kept throwing them back upon the walls but as time went on I must admit that a few tits got thrown in.
8. Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain all died at the age of 27, Isn’t that weird? One of these things is not like the other.
9. Mcsweeneys, Dave Eggers and all their growing tentacles are a new obsession. I remember being in Belgium at a favorite newsstand “magazines were an obsession” and picking up a Shift magazine, which back then seemed to me the forefront of the new internet world. Fuck this must have been 1999 or 2000 or I can’t remember, I just remember making my daily walk over to the English section and picking up all the mags and flipping through them until I came across this article about this young man who looked like he was in a hotel room in a bathrobe of sorts talking about his webpage. It prompted me to look for this book that he wrote that I had to own, which I did and read.
10. When we go to Wal-Mart my wife shops, I head to the magazines but there isn’t much their anymore.
11. Sometimes you just got get animal.
12. Radiohead is huge to me, I was talking to Wesley the other night trying to “Spillane” it and all I could come up with is, music is good but when you know what you like, when you are drunk at 2am, what do you come back to. Everything they have ever done has been a soundtrack of sorts… not only to me, but obviously to others. I wrote “first poems” and “Florida dreaming” listing to nothing but Radiohead. To this day all the music that comes out is like a new restaurant when you know where the best Steak au Poivre is.
13. Snow and how it covers up things and rain and how it washes away things. How does anyone ever live in a desert with rattlesnakes waiting to call you up late at night?
14. Wesley almost got washed away in the biggest tsunami that modern media has ever seen.
15. Her I guess. I mean when you get down the nuts and the bolts you got to reinvest… to me it was becoming null and there was nothing that Radiohead could teach me anymore or Charles Bukowski, or any of it. All that other stuff is just stuff and I just sort of became anew, and trees looked better to me, and rivers that I could jump into. It was almost like I had all these ideas these new ideas and you should have seen me there at the time. In Alaska. It was sort of like I was letting it all go; like I got sick at midnight and just fucking spewed it all out or perhaps cried and cried. .. And then arose like one of those toys you had where you could press the button and collapse and then re-erect.
16. So I take these pictures of her. Sometimes that is all you can do, sometimes that is all you have.
17. There is one where she is afraid to drive down a hill of ice; there is a dream I have where the car is going backwards and it is a picture I take where we both look nice.