1/19/2009

 

spleen

 

Did you ever have that dream where your teeth kept falling out
Where you kept getting shot with real live guns but kept thinking
Where you loved something that was bigger than yourself

In your head.

You dreamed about rolling over and kissing her perhaps and shutting the shutters and making the bacon

Your father flying out, your son playing Nintendo, up down -up down with the shutters like you could control the amount of light

Some where you just opened all those fuckers up, full throttle and you wanted to see the capacity of things

If it is going to happen you want to know what it feels like completely fucking unfiltered
If you are going to crash cars in your life, if you are going to love, if you are going to know cold winter storms, if you are going to eat salmon out of the ocean, if you are going to climb, if you are going to crawl.

You start with her it is like looking through broken diamond and in a million ways it is like looking at yourself

The first times
You wanted to jump in the river and wash yourself away in a baptismal sort of way
You wanted her to kiss you and rub you into sleep
You wanted too much until you had to give

So I was opening it all up to her and letting her in

Kim
Here I go
This stuff is amazing, I mean you and how I think of the flicker of your kiss and bear stories that move and chew on the outside of my mind
Kim
The way you walk and slip on ice, I want to catch you with oven mits, I want to catch you with my soul, with whatever catches you best that is what I want to catch you with.
Kim
Sometimes I am an ocean and your movements are ripples

“My head turns white and my face turns green if you know what I mean”
And I open it all up to you

I got all these things inside of me, and most of them are lungs and livers and spleens and things
And they fall apart on their own sometimes they drive all night, sometimes go to the potlatch
But with you they

Fold themselves into perfectly shaped footballs and pillows and million dollar homes and slowly become words and teeth and tongues of a new dialect that I am learning to speak

You