where I begin


It was fall, or almost winter. I remember waking up in the middle night and distinctly noticing my quadriceps for the first time, not the word but the front parts of my leg. In fact, i remember noticing everything for the first time, as if my life had just turned on. Pumpkins, an extra extra large one cut out from a newspaper, magnetic
And stuck to a refrigerator. I remember just my father now that i think of it.. A boat trip across the long island sound and the word Connecticut. Cousin johnny. My father asking about the pumpkin and about dirt and a large tall row of hedges that could cast shadows.
The middle of night waking up with the quadriceps, and feet and remembering for the first time, walking around in the attic, into the bathroom and wanting all the water in the world. Actually dumping out a plant of sorts, worried about dumping out the plants... And filling up the receptacle with water and just drinking and drinking all of its sweetness.
That night i plunged into sickness, diarrhea, vomiting, thirst, pumpkins, attics, shadows and quadriceps.. The beging of my existence.