Hello everyone. My name is Chris Holland and I have a confession to make. I have a serious mental handicap that has affected me for most of my adult life. It’s called depression. It is something that I am not proud of, but realize now that I can no longer hide. I want to share this with you, my fellow wrldmriners, in hopes that you will support me through this difficult time.
I have been going to therapy now for some time. Thank goodness for the great benefits I receive from work, without which, I would not have never been able to receive the treatment I so desperately needed. I have dealt with some very painful childhood memories and traumas and I am happy to report I am well on the road to recovery.
At this point in my life, I no longer live in the past. What happened to me as a child was not my fault. I did not ‘ask for it’ like I had previously thought. I understand that my tight buttocks were simply a byproduct of my pre-pubescent life and not a curse sent to me by God. I have put that behind me now and as a result, I feel free. Free as a bird!
To prove how far I have come along, I no longer throw up my food after eating it in an attempt to stay thin and beautiful. I even stopped drinking diet coke and started drinking regular coke instead. I have always savored this forbidden fruit but would never allow myself the indulgence. But not anymore! Regular Coke it is! More importantly, I have stopped putting other people’s needs ahead of my own. This is perhaps my biggest accomplishment to date. Just today for example, even though I had already refilled the coffee maker twice and only got one cup out of it, I resisted the temptation to refill the coffee maker again and instead went down to the local Sstarbucks for my coffee. Same thing with the copy machine. It seems everyone in my office has designated me the person responsible for filling the copy machine every time it ran out. My obsessive compulsive behavior wouldn’t allow me to see it empty. Sometimes, I even think my officemates would make it run out on purpose up to 10 times a day just to see me sweat. But not today! I saw that it was empty and simply walked away! I even think I heard the ooh’s and ahh’s from my coworkers as I went back to my desk seemingly un-phased. To top it off, I even let all of my calls go to voicemail during my lunch. Because of my compulsiveness, I could never allow the calls to go unanswered. But today, for the first time in my life, I had lunch in peace. And you know what? After my lunch, I returned all of the calls and no one was mad at all for me not answering earlier! It’s like there is a whole new wrld out there that I am just now understanding!
So for now, wrldmriners, I ask that you please respect my privacy as I deal with this very personal issue. It has been very difficult for me to share this with you. It can be a little difficult to open yourself up here at wrldmrine when it seems everyone likes to do nothing but make fun of each other. I plead with you to please refrain from making fun of me during this difficult time. My therapist asked that I send this to you all. At first I was a little nervous, but he told me it would all work out fine. He said I could do it. He said I was ‘The MAN!’ So here I am wrldmrine…all of me!