try to say


My father was coming over to my house a lot back there in Belgium. He was painting a lot and collecting a lot of my poems and publishing them into books. We would wake up and there was a new painting of Gavin, we would wake up and half the beer was gone, we would wake up and there was breakfast ready for us.
You should have seen it.
It was like we were alive, and me running all the time, and filming all the time and taking pictures. It felt like we were capturing life as what it should be…
My sister dropping in, me showing her Belgium and taking her out to the peanut bar where they were playing daft punk around the world, and me her older brother pulling her in and holding her tight and getting a taxi home to a safe place where she could just be herself.
My father coming back and spilling all the poems out onto the Ping-Pong table. Sorting them, “Jamie you are on to something:” I would just keep writing
My wife at the time, my son at the time, like extensions of my own limbs and still.

Beau Schnieder came over and visited and banged him off of the walls, I took him to Amsterdam until he couldn’t stand up again…
I will take you all over and all over again if you are ready, but let me take you on the last act of my life… Kim.

She is like the jaws of Kodiak, these large mountains, she is like the bears still at the river. Let me take you to my kids. They are Kodiak kids. And they’re relentless beasts of creativity. I can come and come day in and day out with all and everything that I am and they just foil and bath themselves as if I was never a person. My wife gives me a shout out every once in awhile but they push me out into the stars like some orbiting fucking thing that can never come back.