Noticing I was in desperate need of help, my fourteen year old entrepreneur brother suggested he clean my room for twenty bucks a week. After sliding figures back and forth across the table we reached an agreement of ten bucks a week including laundry duties and sock -rolling.
Upon partial completion of his first cleaning venture, however, my brother decided we must re-negotiate and set down some clearer guidelines as to what he is actually willing to pick up in said dirty bedroom.
The following are some stipulations of our final contract, drawn up and signed between both active parties over root beer floats and a wicked game of dungeons and dragons... (Whereupon a wrestling match ensued and I kicked his prepubescent little ass.)
Section A: Hygienically Untouchable Materials
#1. Timothy Jerome is not responsible for the removal of dirty underwear, tampax wrappers, and moldy spoons of peanut butter thrown into Amber's closet.
#2. Plastic sanitary gloves will be provided for picking up carelessly discarded tequila bottles and condoms.
Section B: Items that fall under the category of "just not ok."
#1. Dildos and other sexual paraphernalia discovered in shallow hidden places will not be acknowledged nor discussed between said parties.
#2. Little brother and friends of little brother will not prance around sister’s room with bra on head or any other part of wardrobe to body combination.
Section C: Sister to Brother Privacy Policy
#1. Diary shall not be read nor shall stash of marijuana be mentioned to parental figures.
#2. Speaking in descriptive terms to older sisters dates about texture and appearance of sisters used underwear also taboo.
The service party understands that Indian burns and Noogies will be dished out with intent to cause severe bodily harm in failure to uphold any part of cleaning contract.
The receiving party has also been made aware that IOU’s written on rolling papers and scraps of worthless story ideas will not be acceptable forms of payment.
Signed in matching type O blood,
Amber Kiker and Timothy J. Littledick
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