The first line is the hardest for me… so when I get there I just think “baby”
And I am reminded of Kim, one the biggest things I notice about her is her hips, the way they are built and how her body is just moving forwards and backwards at the same time. Over extended like the necks of the Kayan of Burma the Nbebele of Africa.
Where did her hips come from?
When I think of Kim I think of her intellect.
Perhaps the abstracts, the puzzle making of childhood.
When I think of Kim I think of how she holds me and how she holds our kids and how my mother held me and that feeling I had, that everything in going to be alright, because she understands how to move forwards and backwards, the abstracts and puzzles.
Sometimes I listen to song when she is not around. Useful Chambers by Dirty projectors, and the girls hum and the weird beat just keeps on beating like heartbeat.
She is an emerald in a shining, shining winter
Rosette in a snow globe, write it up clean and gold
I spread love
She is anticipating on it, magic and old invention
Leanin' out the window callin' out, woah no
She sees what no one sees
Far away with you
While every need and water blue
We'll sail away on this boat till suddenly it's new
Who made loss or whatever alone?
I know I cannot wait that long
I don't know what I should be lookin' at
But I will look wherever I'm told
Bitte orca, orca bitte
I'm caught up in a storm that I don't need no shelter from
All I want and all I need is right here with me
You're right here with me
Call to me soft and sweet, cool the fire that burns in me
Catch me when I lose control
Look into my eyes, look into my eyes
I'm caught up in a storm
and I imagine myself in her arms and tilted hips, and the trees of Kodiak way out at white sands up into the sky, and my teeth, always with my teeth because I can’t stop clenching my jaws.
And that river the first time I saw it and just imaging starting over and dipping myself in like a baptismal trance and getting rid of all my shit.
Sleeping on the couch the other night I was there, her and me. Something I was looking for.
Like a soft glow new old experience. A teenager adult child. All over again.
Come down in the middle of the night, a tooth fairy, a Santa Claus… all over me until I feel safe in this world.