Everything in its right place by Radiohead
At 27 I would listen to this song driving home in Belgium and just fucking make this decision to drive on the wrong side of the road. We had these weird traffic dividers and I would see them down the road and something in me would just turn the wheel and go on the wrong side… how far, how long can I drive on the wrong side of the road before something happened?
Nothing ever happened.
My life happened. I would run out in the Belgium forest and feel so full of life. Running really is great for this. Trust me, if you are ever at a hard place in life, just run.. things will make sense.
I would listen to this song some more and I would do some of the craziest things, again in Belgium I would find a swivel of trees and just plow my car off the road and salmon between them like some great Norwegian skier upon the Popular
It just got worse and worse for me, I wanted so see how far I could push it all… I would jump on the trampoline and do flips, it wasn’t good enough to just flip, front, back, it was something to jump 15 ft into the air and just flip… I would do this… I would jump so high that I would actually hit the ground on the tramp down swing.
I would do this at work… really, I don’t know how it happened, but I worked at the child and youth center, then worked as a sport director, then worked as the director of the teen center, then worked as the director of child of youth services… just pushing it, on all fronts.
The whole entire time I was trying to crash myself… I didn’t know then that it was myself.
So my wife divorced me… and I lost one of the only things I cared about in the world, Gavin
But here is the kicker.
At this moment and time I should have figured it out, but I didn’t.
I met someone else, and just threw myself into the woodwork more.
This song would come on and I would literally fucking go nuts, If I was in a car I would hit the gas and see what happens… this actually happened, I was downtown Mons, drunk, the song came on and I just gunned it in my truck, the first thing I noticed was that all the other cars knew I was doing this thing, they all stopped and I took off. It was almost as if they were watching me, and I jammed the peddle to the metal and jumped the bridge which was a nice American jump for the four years I lived here prior, but that week they put a roundabout in on the other side… so I was duke and hazard jumping this bridge, and as we came over the crest of the wave, “what the fuck” and mountain of sorts, no longer a straight road, but a roundabout. I hit the breaks… slammed into the 3ft high round about, and all the airbags exploded as sacs of flour into my face…
I remember getting out of the truck dead centered on the middle of this round about… drunk at 1am in the morning with my car horn going off louder than a human could know… I thought, here come the cops, here comes a DUI… so I popped the hood and disconnected the battery to turn the car alarm off. Threw in a dip of chew and just waited for the authorities to come… but instead there was this little moped light that came all swerving down the frontage road…
In French
“hey mate what is up”
“got my fucking truck stuck, you mind giving a push?”
“Sure”
I got into the truck and they pushed and pushed, and I hit the gas and they kept pushing and the mud just spun all upon them. I plopped me off of the center piece and I was now on the road, they were covered in mud, we high fived and they just took off. It was weird.
Meanwhile I had this disabled truck with a flat tire and a broken airbag and a horn that was going off. I hooked the battery back up… nothing.
Jumped in the truck, started in and drove all the way home on a flat tire.
The song was “everything in its right place”
The next morning, I woke up in Belgium with Amber in my arms… I have completely destroyed my life.
This is what it looks like, walked out to the truck, hooked the battery up and the alarm went off. everyone knew what was happening, so i turned it off
The thing is, the song lived on... it moved and pushed itself past experience and became a Kodiak association, I became more than that, It became the song of my son.
The song of me trying to kill myself
Became the song of my life. Boom!
i would walk Finn around the room, in his stroller, everything in its right place.
not bad
|