Just ask James


Dear Jonathan Holley, (can I just call you dick for sort?)

First of all you are asking the wrong mother fuckers and the wrong mother fucking time what they think about drinking. Let’s take Chris Holland for example. You see this kid is getting ready to have a kid. I mean, sure he is making a lot of bank working where he works and all, and sure he is building a house and has a stupid webpage that documents the building of this house. And sure he drives out there every weekend to take pictures of the Mexicans that are building his house, and sure the pictures are stupid because nobody on the planet earth gives a fuck about a picture of sheet rock, or a picture of insulation, and sure Chris Holland has (feels that has to but doesn’t really need to) to come up with all those (what he thinks to be funny) little captions to go along with every single pictures, ones like:

1.going, going gone (don’t ask me)

2.look, we have insulation (a picture of insulation)

3.somebody left this on our wall, (a picture of Safeway receipt hammered into the wall, a sort, ‘hey guys, this is how much money your jo-jo’s and burritos cost’)

4.I hope they move this (a picture of scaffolding in the middle of his future living room)

5.they had to put this sign up to let everyone know the house is mine, mine, mine (picture of for sale sign)

so sure Chris is getting his life together, he is getting ready to have a baby with his lovely wife, he is building a house, but what you do not know is that Chris has a dark side, or at least a tan looking side, one could say, a smooth Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum side. It is known that Chris likes to stop by the liquor store on a Friday evening and purchase a handle. And it is becoming known that Chris likes to spend his idle nights getting drunk while watching Dave Chappell. And it is known that his wife does not approve of these actions. “Every damn weekend Chris!” so, although Chris should quit the sauce, he rather chooses to indulge in this destructive life style.

But enough about Chris, lets talk about me. In the last year I single handedly lost everything that was important to me. A downward spiral that started one night after drinking a little too much and spending a little too much time with this saucy little number. And here is what followed

Hurt the ones I love
Hurt myself
Move in with girl
Eat a lot of top roman
Drink way too much
Another fight
Punctured ear drum
Fall down and cut open my hand
Get stitches
Car breaks down
Drink too much
Break up with girlfriend
Try to figure out life
Leave job
Move to friend’s house
Landlord won’t release me from the rent
Eat what ever I can get my hands on
Sleep where ever I can to include, couches, boats and cars
Shower where ever I can
Pay bills
Go broke
Make money
Get better job
Drink way too much
Eat out way too much
Get fat
Sleep with whom I like to include this saucy little number sitting across from me holding a PBR in one hand and a whiskey in the other... do you know her?