PART ONE
[In the center of the first page it reads]
Cat scan,
Rat pan
Chow young fat
&
Jackie Chan
[Off to the right, a fold or something is outlined, it drips down two inches from the top right corner like and icicle dividing the following sentience that has an arrow indicating reference to the fold.]
A fold
that
happened
while transporting
this document back
from the war
What war?
WWWI...the
only one.
[Page 2, there is an image of a mannequin head, spray painted blue with weird electronic gadgets for eyeglasses and what looks to be a head set into the future.]
[Page 3]
After much thought, we at division headquarters have decided that all oconus McDonalds will be receiving “life size” plastic Ronald McDonalds. Please place life size Ronald (on designated park benches) in front or with in your franchise. (Look up franchise)
There was a kid named Ronald that lived down the road. For some reason my mother referred to his mother as aunt patty, in return making him my cousin Ronald.
Ronald was retarded and pissed his pants. I asked whey he had pissed his pants and his mother told me it was because he could not “feel” down below, that he was insensitive. To combat this, she made him piss every hour and shit every three.
Ronald had a cool football helmet that he gave me. It was real heavy and had scratches. He wore it for protection, but at the time, I thought he wore it for football.
Cannot find the file
C:/windows/rundll32.exe
There was a lake, a large lake that I can not spell the name of, “ronkakama?” close to St. James where my aunt and uncle lived. It was rumored that the lake had no bottom, or that it connected to an underground river. In the winter when there was ice, people would drive their cars in mad sliding circles across its surface, one year a group of teenagers crashed through the melting sheet and drowned. Not able to find the wreckage, they called the search off until more favorable weather, later that summer they searched and searched for the bodies but could not find them. Weeks later they found the car washed up against a sand bar in the long island sound.
Retard Ronald pissed in that lake and now I have two reasons never to go there again.
[At the bottom of this page, there is picture of a clown mask, with words that read, “The scariest mask I ever owned looked like this”]
[Page 4]
When I was four years old, I went into my parent’s garage and smashed every glass object I could find with a hatchet. Most of the these glass objects were located on an old MG that my father had been restoring for quite some time, do to random hatchet marks from bad aim, they decided to get ride of it.
There was a tree behind the garage that we would climb up.
On top next to the weather vane we felt like adults, like airplanes. When ii was hot we would lie out on towels and enjoy the sun, afterwards we would jump off the roof down to the grass below, I always imagined I was jumping for my life that something evil was chasing me.
The first black kid that I ever met was at the San Remo country club, where his mother was a cleaning lady. Break dancing had just become all the fad and this kid supposedly wanted someone to dance with, to challenge him, to battle with.... he pointed at me,. I said, “no way” and then out of no where he slapped me. The first black person I had ever met slapped me.
The second black kid I met was in Mrs. Freeman’s 3rd grade class. [Ironic is it not?]
During the first recess I heard him talking to a group of peers over in the corner, “my brother kicked him right here, (pointing to the soft flesh under your jaw) and killed him. If I wanted to I could kick you right there and kill you too!”
[Page 5]
After showing her that I could drink water out of a rusty radio flyer wagon we began to play “parents.” She then told me to pull down my pants, which I did... “This is what my dad and mom does late at night” she then began to place three large rocks on my abdomen and two on the left and right of my penis. “Is that what parents do?” I asked and she shook her head yes... “I don’t want to grow up” I declared, “This stuff seems silly”
Every time I went to her house after that, I found myself looking for rocks and imagining the mother placing stones on my stomach.
I showed her how to piss, and how it worked; she in return showed me the same, it was amazing.
When it was hot we drank soda from the deli up the road.
The drunken old Italians down the street, drinking vino and swatting flies... are all dead now, and that girl who used to put rocks on my cock got fat and became a slut.
[Space]
“Don’t piss in the pool” my mother said
They have a special chemical in there and when you pee it activates this chemical and turns all the water around you blue.” This always confused me, because it thought the water was blue.
{Page 6}
I sat there with a pool ball and began sliding it across the table, bouncing it from bumper to bumper creating this weird diamond shape of motion. After a while it became such a mechanical function that I didn’t have to look. Could sit there and talk to strangers or friends while bouncing my cue ball, while chucking it, flinging it across the green pastures. I was all a mater of math, geometry, angles and degrees, but to my body it was natural. Things happen this way when you don’t think about them. Like striking a soccer ball, or shooting a basketball. Don’t think, just act and react. This was something others could never grasp while at the rifle range. They would breathe funny and think funny, lay down funny, close their eyes funny and pull the trigger funny.
You just got to shoot.
Bang, bang, bang.
Mind on auto pilot, your mind always on auto pilot.
[Page 7]
Mozart humming for me, Mozart flying for me, Mozart loosing his mind for me, over and over again.
[Page 8]
My movie
Key grip #1 tom Cruise
Key Grip #2 Papa Hemingway
Grip #3 my left arm before the scar
Doll Grip Sean Penn when he still lived in a trailer and drank
Cart Grip Lying out on the trampoline getting tan
Associate Producer 206-443-3230
Media Producer All the free fireworks we found after July 4th
Casting Director Werner Herzog
Asst. Casting Director Peres Tappistes
Director After I am, with the digital cam, when I see it all and the notes flying through the air for me to grab, to hug and dance. A waltz as Mozart smiles
[Page 9]
Dreams of big waves coming from off shore. Big, giant, smashing waves. Smashing buildings and peeling up sidewalks, breaking windows. Will I be swept away? And in-between the intervals, destruction, we run away as far aw we can, as high as we can, always looking over our shoulder at our inevitable future.
[The bottom of the page is illustrated with an elaborate drawing of a tidal wave smashing down upon a town. In the face of the wave you can barely make out humans, if you look closely, you realize there are hundreds.]
[Page 10]
Another dream, this time of a girl that you meet in heaven, she takes measurements with her eyes but you tell her not to bother, that you are going back. She then tells me that she has never seen a mountain, or a water fall or a taxi, she only sees people who see these things. She wants to go back with me.
All the buildings are tall, and full of light, there is an open court. It is almost like we are in an airport of something.
Later in a lobby with big windows, she catches up with me. I tell her she can come with me if she likes, but that she is beautiful and childlike and that people will take advantage of this, but she was too excited and wouldn’t listen
She has never been cut.
Chances are we will never get back to where we were going or where we came from
PART TWO
[Page 1]
[Obviously this is a different document. In the center of the page there is a title that reads, “My Gang”]
Some hot girls hang out on the corner of Rico Boulevard, which happens to be the heart of gangland.
Tricky and lucky Lucy “home girls” of the “chicos Loco’s” spend most of the their time
A) putting on thick layers of mascara
B) drinking Boones farm malt liquors
C) thinking about their children
D) throwing up gang signs while grabbing their tits and cussing out those who happen to pass by
E) all of the above
While sitting on the corner of Rico BLVD.
[These gangs actually exist]
Gang members have a lot of weapons most of them are heavy and glimmering with lubricant. It is important to a have a lot of guns because it is guns that protect your neighborhood from rival gangs.
Today hanging out with “cracked stallion” we patrolled the streets which consisted of walking down to “crazy tacos” place (well actually his mother’s place) and smoking big fat spliffs.
Reminder: each gang has their own sign, that is flashed often to identify themselves or simply as a matter of pride.
[To the left there is a crude drawing of the middle finger]
The “playboys” pass a big fat blunt while partying at a friend’s house in Del Monte California. Gang member spend most of their time, drinking, smoking, hanging out, flexing their muscles, taking off their shirts and watching sports center or talking about sports center.
“Rowdy,” a 27 year old gang member admits that he is fat. He also thinks that wife beaters are stupid, and hopes to get a degree in structural engineering because than he could drop that much more SCIENCE upon your ass.
[Page 2]
[A detailed picture of a single detached mechanical titled, “THING GOT OUT OF HAND”]
Paco is 32 and now resides in rosarito Mexico. He recently moved their in order to avoid serious jail time. He now spends time raising pit bulls and listening to the Rush Limbaugh show.
[Below is a picture of a some what fat Chicano man, holding what looks to be a towel, and a pit-bull clamping down upon the towel with all the might his steel jaws could muster. There are arrows pointing to various parts of the picture]
Arrow one pointing to the head: bald
Arrow two pointing to his shoes: Fila Fresh crew
Arrow three pointing to the dog: pit bull
Arrow four pointing to the sun: sun
[Page 3]
Interviewer: have you ever done any messed up shit as a kid?
Recipient of the question: I remember in first grade, I was taking a piss after lunch. It was the same day that I learned what Skim Milk was and about a man called, spoon man who came to our school and played two spoons, held together in his hand, like a musical instrument, by simply beating them against his leg. Later that day during lunch, with a new found understanding of skim Milk and spoon man, I distinctly remember the a whole cafeteria full of first and second graders beating spoons upon their laps, while enjoying the benefits of low fat milk. Anyway, I went to the pisser to take a leak, maybe it was all the skim milk, right then and there in walks this kid named Afam from morocco. So anyway, he whips out his tally whacker and begins to piss and I look over, curios as any 1st grader would be, the thing was, he didn’t have one, instead of a penis, he had a worm, a finger, a snake, an alien slithering out of his crotch. I was scared, I didn’t know what to do, so I turned in his direction and pissed all over him. Later that day I learned all about circumcision, and a little about Muslim culture.
[Page four]
Wasn’t that you slipping through my window? I caught you on my radiator and super glued your lips to the stain glass window, now your stuck there, frozen in a kiss of color...
Unknown author
Giovanni Rabisi, that little midget, came over to my barbecue and started eating all the hotdogs right off the grill. No buns, no mustard, no ketchup. Turns out he was, or is a vegetarian. He was also into all the scientology stuff with Tommy Cruise and Johnny Travlota, and some how it all got to him, all the weight of Hollywood bearing down upon his shoulders.
Later on we wrestled in the living room and once, while I had him pinned down in a head lock, I was shocked to see that he was bald; he had all the hair from the left side of his head grown out long and combed over to the right side. Later that night he told me how good it was to be back in Belgium, to “get away from it all,” but I couldn’t get past the reeking smell of hotdogs wedged between his teeth.
[A drawing of Ben Affleck after rehab, he seems to have gained some weight but promises to devote his life to Jesus and to take up boxing lessons]
[page 5]
ONE MANS CONSUMPTION
1. Chaud Fontaine, eau minerale naturelle
2. 6 inch Danish eggs, coupled by a pair of cow legs
3. rosti aux Legumes {you can bake them in your oven]
4. ice
5. one jar of Best Western mayonnaise, on the east coast it is called Hellman’s
6. one pint of land o lakes gourmet Half & Half, Ultra pasteurized
7. was it you kissing me last night or was it a dream I can never tell?
8. [a picture of a man holding a boy with in his arms in Friday Harbor Washington as a ferry pulls away
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